A dictionary of modern lifeOriginal definitions · Illustrated satire
Lucifer’s Lexicon

Modern life, properly defined.

Subjects

People & HR.

Employee measurement, performance, engagement, restructures, leadership programmes and human beings after conversion into organisational vocabulary.

10 published definitions

  1. People & HR

    HEADCOUNT FREEZE n.

    A hiring ban that freezes vacancies, but not the work.

  2. People & HR

    HEADCOUNT n.

    People after conversion into budget.

  3. Careers & Recruitment

    CULTURE FIT n.

    The quality of resembling the people already hired.

  4. People & HR

    PERFORMANCE REVIEW n.

    An annual ceremony in which twelve months of work are compressed into three adjectives.

  5. People & HR

    RIGHT-SIZING n.

    Redundancy expressed by someone retaining a role.

  6. Corporate Speak

    AUTONOMY n.

    Freedom to choose among approved alternatives.

  7. Corporate Speak

    ACCOUNTABILITY n.

    Responsibility assigned downward after authority has remained above.

  8. People & HR

    eNPS n.

    A measure of employee feeling, converted into a number so that it may be ignored scientifically.

  9. People & HR

    CULTURE n.

    The behaviour rewarded after the values have been printed.

  10. Corporate Speak

    OWNERSHIP n.

    Responsibility bestowed without the vulgar accompaniment of power.